Hello, friend. Today, I want to talk about something we all do but rarely address: self-judgment. It’s like this little voice inside our head that critiques every action, decision, or thought we have. But here’s the thing: this constant judgment of ourselves creates our own suffering. It’s an unhappiness of our own making.
And let’s be honest, when we’re suffering, we’re not exactly at our best. Instead, we look for relief – self-soothing with habits we want to break (eating junk food, staying up late, drinking or smoking), procrastinating tasks we know will move us forward, or even worse, more self-loathing. It’s a vicious cycle that fuels itself.
But why? Why do we constantly judge ourselves? Where does this urge to self-criticize come from?
The Roots of Self-Judgment
Self-judgment often stems from a blend of past experiences, societal expectations, and the internalization of critical voices we’ve encountered throughout our lives. Perhaps it was a demanding parent, a competitive schooling environment, or societal messages about what success “should” look like. These influences can embed a harsh inner critic within us, constantly reminding us that we’re not good enough or that we’re lacking in some way.
The Human Condition
Here’s a truth bomb: Our failings, struggles, fears—all of it is part of the human condition. It’s normal. Everyone, no matter how successful or confident they may appear, has insecurities and doubts. The difference lies in how we deal with them.
It’s about recognizing these thoughts for what they are—mere thoughts, not defining truths of our character or destiny. Simply said: We are not our thoughts.
Breaking the Cycle of Self-Judgment
Simple concept but not always easy to do. So, how do we stop this self-inflicted pain? How do we silence that inner critic, or at least turn its volume down? Here are some practical steps to help you start on this journey:
- Awareness is Key: The first step in changing any behavior is recognizing it’s happening. Pay attention to your self-talk. When you notice it’s negative, pause. Acknowledge the thought, then actively challenge it. Is it true? Would you say this to someone you care about? If catching your own self-talk is difficult, try to dedicate a few minutes each day to sit quietly and observe your thoughts. Don’t try to change them; simply notice them as they come and go. With practice, it will become easier.
- Limit Comparison: With social media, it’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel. Remember, social media is a curated display, not a full representation of someone’s life. Focus on your own journey, not how it stacks up against someone else’s.
- Set Realistic Goals: Part of why we judge ourselves harshly is that we set unattainable standards. Break your goals into smaller, manageable steps. Celebrate the small victories along the way. Progress, not perfection, is what matters.
- Seek Support: Sometimes, we need a little help from our friends—or a professional. Talking about your feelings of self-judgment with someone you trust can provide a new perspective and the encouragement you need to break the cycle. \
Final Thoughts
Remember, freeing ourselves from self-judgment isn’t about achieving a state of constant happiness or never facing difficulties again. It’s about allowing ourselves to be human—to experience the full range of human emotions without defining who we are. It’s about understanding that our worth isn’t based on our productivity, our successes, or our failures.
Let this be a gentle reminder to ease up on yourselves. Your creativity, your drive, and your passion are much needed gifts in this world—don’t let self-judgment dim their light.
Until Next Time!
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