You guys know how much I love Brené. She’s been the show multiple times– in fact, I think she holds the record for most number of times on the show. Her philosophies on fear, vulnerability, and courage are so so powerful and when you realize how these things are acting in your life, you can unlock a whole new level of understanding around the things that have been holding you back.
Today I’m going into the archives to share her first ever conversation with me on the show three years ago. It’s not available here on the podcast and it’s so valuable I wanted you could take this talk on the go. If you’ve heard this before, you already know re-listening to Brené is never a bad thing. So many ah ha moments in this talk and we waste no time getting into it.
In today’s episode,
- Brené talks about how as a culture we’re raised to believe that vulnerability is weakness and so acting brave is being strong. As a society, this attitude creates a bravado – a sort of “postering, fake bravery”.
- Brené shared something that, for me, has stuck with me all these years and that’s, as creatives, we need to and get to decide whose opinions matter and whose don’t. She pulls out a short list of the people whose opinions matter to her, literally from her wallet.
- We talk about how you heal when someone kicks you while you’re down, and Brené talks a lot about building a support structure, whether that’s a therapist, coach, or your community. Your support team is a huge resource, even your greatest heroes relied on their communities to find and maintain success.
Enjoy!
Vulnerability is never easy and it feels terrible, but there’s no evidence that it’s anything but courage.
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Some Questions I Ask:
- What’s the backstory of your book, Daring Greatly? [6:36]
- How does daring greatly help us work through the voice that tells us not to be vulnerable? [7:50]
- How do you tie vulnerability and creativity together? [13:48]
- Audience question: How do you be vulnerable as a woman in business? [37:30]
- Audience question: How do you deal with super sweet but passive aggressive remarks from others? [50:45]
- If I’m making work that inherently creates haters, am I right in keeping a wall up between me and them? [56:50]
- Audience question: How do you heal after negative comments or after you’ve been kicked while you’re down? [63:42]
- Tell us about the time off you take off to recharge. [66:30]
- Tell us about the course you’re putting together with Oprah. [70:39]
- Audience question: How do you balance being vulnerable with maintaining boundaries? [83:38]
- Audience question: How do Edwin Friedman and Jesus influence your thinking and what you’re doing now? [84:00]
- Audience question: How do you handle those moments where people don’t respect what you’re able to bring? [86:00]
- Audience question: Can you have a growth mindset without being vulnerable? [90:00]
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- How our culture teaches us that vulnerability is weakness, being brave is good, so what’s left is a fake bravado. [8:30]
- Examples of vulnerability and what happens when you choose or choose not to be vulnerable. [10:30]
- How cable news is teaching you to be afraid. [15:00]
- More people die from vending machines falling on them than from shark attacks. [16:00]
- You don’t have to go out looking to be uncomfortable. There is no creativity without vulnerability. Just make stuff and share it. [18:42]
- Listen to the Theodore Roosevelt quote that inspired the book title, Daring Greatly. The credit belongs to who is actually in the arena, daring greatly. [20:11]
- Being brave and feeling afraid are not mutually exclusive. [22:30]
- If you sign up to be in the arena, prepare to get your butt kicked. “If you’re not in the arena, also getting your ass kicked on a regular basis I am not open or interested in your feedback.” [23:12]
- “When you don’t care at all what anyone thinks you lose your capacity for connection. When you are defined by what people think you lose the courage to be vulnerable.” [26:28]
- A handy tool for reminding yourself whose opinions actually matter to you. [28:12]
- “The only thing in the middle of the road dead armadillos and lines.” Pick a side. [33:00]
- Why we need to redefine what we mean by vulnerability. [38:02]
- How to lead with vulnerability. [41:14]
- The huge difference between shame and guilt. [45:00]
- Even if you’re an entrepreneur, remember that failure IS an option. [49:45]
- T-shirt idea: “If you bless my heart, I will kick your ass.” [53:00]
- “For every person who talks shit there are probably 99 people who love it.” [59:30]
- How to deal with negative comments of your work: have someone else vet them. [60:00]
- “What people think of you is none of your business.” [62:55]
- How Brené uses honest conversations in therapy and with her community to benefit her creative work. [64:00]
- Check out Joan Halifax, who taught Brené how to embrace her comforts and discomforts. “What I do is enough.” [68:15]
- Creativity is the key of how things travel from the head to the heart to the hands. [72:04]
- There seems to be a strong correlation between living wholehearted and actively expressing one’s creativity. [73:00]
- Unused creativity is dangerous. [74:21]
- Need a good cry? Try smelling a box of crayons. [76:30]
- Public schools are not serving our public interest by systematically grinding out creativity from our student. [78:00]
- What creativity with the big C is and how it will solve all of human problems, moving forward. [81:00]
- “Don’t win over the haters, you’re not the jackass whisperer.” -Scott Stratten’s [88:30]
- The economics of how many people you need to like your work to make a living. [88:50]
- Check out Carol Dweck’s book, Mindset. [90:00]
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