Clinical Psychologist Dr. Nicole LePera has extensively studied the science that ties the mind and body together. Inspired by her own personal experiences with anxiety and stress, she’s dedicated to understanding how difficult feelings emerge with the goal of empowering others to take control of their lives in a holistic way.
I recently had the pleasure of having her back on the podcast to discuss the interplay between physical and mental health, the importance of emotional needs in our lives, and her latest book, ‘How to Be the Love You Seek: Break Cycles, Find Peace, and Heal Your Relationships‘.
The Mind-Body Connection
The relationship between the human mind and body can’t be overstated. We know that our physical health can have a huge impact on our mental health, and vice versa. Dr. Nicole LePera focuses her studies on the connection, exploring the ways in which emotions can manifest in both psychological and physiological well-being.
That research in a nutshell? Everything is connected. Emotions affect hormones and hormones affect emotions, while physical movement affects the mind, and so on.
“The body is the house of our nervous system, which governs our entire way of being. It’s the house of whether or not we learn how to cope with our emotions. For a lot of us, we’re not even aware that emotions are physiologically a part of ourselves.” Dr. LePera says.
She’s a firm believer in using this connection to support overall health and well-being. That means looking at the physical body, as well as the emotional environment, to create holistically healthy habits that work for you. Nicole says awareness can be a powerful first step in understanding what’s needed for a more fulfilled life.
Beyond Tangible Needs
When we say people ‘are the way they are’, what do we actually mean? It’s clear that everyone is different, but many of us fall into one or more of the same sociological categories. You’ve probably heard these before – ‘people-pleaser’, ‘caretaker’, ‘perfectionist’, etc – and maybe even associate with a few. It’s assumed that they’re an inherent part of identity that we can’t choose or change. Dr. LePera begs to differ. She sees a strong connection between personal behavioral patterns and unmet needs. Oftentimes, this starts during childhood, when we are most vulnerable and impressionable. The ‘egocentric state of development’, as it’s called, is the stage in which we internalize beliefs about ourselves and our environment. These beliefs can stay with us into adulthood and influence our behavior on a subconscious level.
For example, someone might identify as a ‘people-pleaser’ because they felt like nothing was ever good enough for their parents, or never received praise growing up. In order to fulfill this inherent human need, this person may develop a habit of going out of their way to do whatever is asked of them – even if it comes at the expense of their own well-being.
Change and Consistency Go Hand In Hand
Some people have the misconception that change is something that can happen whenever we want it to – as if it was as easy as flipping a light switch or buying the latest self-help book. That’s unfortunately not the case according to Dr. LePera, who emphasizes that personal transformation happens only through adopting the right mindset. In other words, it’s about applying one’s desire to change in the form of new behaviors and sticking to them every day.
When you think about it, that actually makes a lot of sense. Our brains develop based on the relationships, feelings, and experiences we have early on in life. Its neurophysiology can’t change overnight – only with the consistent practice of new behaviors that build upon the existing neural pathways, gradually creating a new and different set of synaptic connections.
“The mind is incredibly powerful, [it] can imagine a future that’s different, [and] can help us actualize those changes, but it is within the body that we actually have to embody those new choices,” she says.
Of course, change isn’t easy. It can be very difficult in fact, especially when you’re trying to rewire something as complex and regimented as the brain. Nicole explains that people are often so set in their ways of doing things that healthy responses don’t come naturally; the mind would rather face a familiar pain than an unfamiliar new experience. The transformation process starts with a conscious awareness of problematic patterns and a purposeful effort to adapt them in real-time.
It’s a process of learning, unlearning, relearning, and experimenting – all done with self-compassion.
What Can Happen When the Heart and Brain Work Together
Dr. LePera highlights the importance of attitude and presence to meaningful personal change. Both our hearts and minds are powerful, electromagnetic force-wielding organs capable of transmitting energy to those around us. There’s an actual science to it known as “heart-brain coherence,” which is the synchronization of signals between the two, and it’s proven to have a positive effect on physical and emotional well-being.
Her best advice to individuals striving for transformation is to use this newfound knowledge to create a more compassionate and kind attitude toward yourself. This will enable you to transmit positive, healthy energy to those around you, build healthier relationships, and create a ripple effect for the collective good.
This concept can be applied to any situation – whether it’s at work, in your personal relationships, or with yourself. Acknowledging that change can be hard, but that it’s also necessary and possible, is a great first step. This encourages the process of accepting yourself in all your flaws and imperfections while still striving for growth as an individual.
Emotional needs may not always be tangible or even conscious, but they shape our whole lives nonetheless. Dr. LePera’s insights into the connection between the physical and emotional body can help us understand how our emotions, hormones, and environment interact, and even leverage that connection for personal growth and success. Her new book ‘How to Be the Love You Seek: Break Cycles, Find Peace, and Heal Your Relationships’ dives into further detail on finding a healthy balance between the two.
Enjoy!
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