My favorite gift to give, whether during the holidays or otherwise, is time. As a nonrenewable resource, its value is gold. And unfortunately, in today’s world, this gift is increasingly rare. We can sit in the same house or even the same room with someone and be completely separated from them.
So this holiday season, I’m keeping 3 recent conversations I’ve had on the show in mind. If you’ve not listened to these shows, I highly recommend them.
- Anna Lembke on the addiction we have to technology – phones are killing the conversation
- Matt Abrahams on how to speak confidently in any situation – especially small talk
- Priya Parker on the art of the gathering – not only how to be a great host, but also a great guest.
But before you go off to a 3-hour tour, let me arm you with seven ways I’ve found to meaningfully embrace the gift of presence, drawing from personal experience and the great wisdom from these amazing guests.
1. Embrace the Digital Detox
In a world where our phones are extensions of ourselves, setting them aside is a radical act of presence. If you grew up in a time before the internet (yikes, do I sound old??) you’ll remember a time when not knowing the answer to something created discussion and debate – a source of interesting conversation. During family gatherings, I make it a point to keep my phone out of sight, not just on silent. This small act creates a space where real connections can flourish, free from the digital world’s constant pull. If you’re tempted to look something up on your phone during a conversation, say, “I’ll have to look that up later and send it to you.” This keeps the focus on the interaction.
2. The Power of Active Listening
Active listening is a skill that’s often overlooked yet immensely powerful. It’s about fully immersing yourself in the conversation, giving the speaker your undivided attention. We can practice this by maintaining eye contact and responding thoughtfully, ensuring the person we’re speaking with feels truly heard and valued.
3. Dive Deeper into Conversations
Surface-level chatter has its place, but the conversations that stick with me are those that dive deeper. I love asking questions that open doors to more profound thoughts and stories.
Matt Abrahams’ advice on conversational hacky sack is invaluable here. The idea is to keep the conversation going by focusing 2/3 of it on the other person and sharing your own stories for the other 1/3.
For conversation starters, Matt suggests the framework “What, So what, Now what”. For example, if you are at an art gallery opening, you might ask “What brings you here?”, “So what do you like about this painting?”, “Are you planning on seeing this artist elsewhere?”
4. Lend a Helping Hand
In my conversation with Priya Parker, she talks about how to be a great guest. She says “most of us are actually guests much more often than we’re hosts… and as guests we have a lot of power” – including lending a helping hand when needed. Whether it’s helping with holiday preparations or supporting a friend in need, I’ve found that offering my time and assistance is a powerful way to show I care. It’s a reminder that presence is as much about what we do as what we say. Not to mention we often experience more happiness giving than receiving.
5. Give Experiences Instead of Stuff
What we all really want/need is connection. We need empathy and humanity. We need learning and personal growth. Some of my most cherished memories are of shared experiences, whether it’s a photo walk with fellow photographers or a simple meal with friends. These moments, free from distractions, allow for genuine connection and creativity to bloom.
6. Express Gratitude Openly
In “Creative Calling,” I talk about the importance of gratitude in the creative process. This extends to personal interactions as well. Expressing gratitude, whether through words or actions, is a profound way of being present. It acknowledges the value of the people and moments in our lives. If this is something you don’t find yourself doing, you can begin with a personal gratitude practice. You can even try mine. I walk you through a guided practice up on the podcast in an episode called “My Daily Gratitude Practice” start there. If you want to start easy, start with “Thank You”. Be specific, and be generous.
7. Reach Out and Say Hello
In our fast paced world, it’s easy to get disconnected from our friends or people we’d love to get to know more. One of the most powerful ways we can reconnect is to reach out and say hello. Don’t ask for anything, just let them know you’re thinking about them and still care. This has the power to regain long lost friends and rebuild relationships. You never know where it might lead.
The Ripple Effect of Presence
As we end 2023, I want to thank you, the listener, for your time and presence with me whether it’s for today’s episode or every episode. The practice of being present has a ripple effect that goes beyond the moment. It deepens relationships, sparks creativity, and brings a sense of fulfillment that’s hard to replicate. As we start to wrap 2023, let’s make this end of season one of true connection and creative presence.
‘Til next time.
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