How to Stop Doing the Things You Hate

Entrepreneur Derek Sivers said it best: If you’re not saying “HELL YEAH” to something, it’s a no. It’s the idea that 1) we need to prioritize the things that light us up, and 2) the best way to focus our energy is to say no to more things that don’t.

When we’re navigating this journey called life, it’s easy to veer off course, subtly losing our way in the daily grind. This is your life check-in. Do you still have a healthy dose of “hell yeah” on your list?

To do a quick assessment, try the Stop-Start-Continue method. This is akin to my previously shared “More / Less List,” which emphasizes building habits that help you focus on what truly matters.

The Stop-Start-Continue Framework

On a sheet of paper (or doc) create a table with three columns or sections: Stop, Start, Continue.

Stop: Begin by identifying what’s not serving you. These could be tasks that drain your energy, habits that derail your progress, or even relationships that don’t uplift you. If something isn’t contributing positively to your life or moving you closer to your goals, it might be time to let it go.

Start: Then, think about what you could start doing. Maybe there’s a skill you’ve wanted to learn, a project you’ve been putting off, or a healthy habit you’ve been meaning to adopt. Consider how these new actions could align with your goals and enhance your life.

Continue: Finally, acknowledge what’s working well. It’s important to recognize and appreciate the parts of your routine or approach that are effective. Whether it’s a morning ritual that sets the tone for your day, a workout routine that keeps you energized, or a professional practice that’s advancing your career, these are the elements you’ll want to keep.

I love this type of assessment as a quick check in if I’m on track or if the things I set previously are still true.

The Art of Saying No

Of course, to lean into more of the things you love, it’s likely you’ll need to say more “No”. Saying no to distractions, to energy-drainers, and to anything that doesn’t spark joy or bring value is empowering. It frees up space for the activities, people, and goals that truly deserve our time and energy.

But let’s call it like it is. Most of us suck at saying no. Fear of disappointing others, never prioritizing our own needs, or simply saying yes to too many small things is what keeps us veering off track. Remember – it’s okay to prioritize what matters to you. If you’ve had a hard time saying no recently, don’t worry. With a little courage (and a little discomfort) this is a skill you can practice.

Strategies to Improve Your ‘No’

Practice Makes Perfect: Start with small, low-stakes situations where saying no has minor consequences. This practice will build your confidence and prepare you for more significant moments.
Script It Out: If you’re anxious about saying no, prepare a script in advance. Keep it simple, respectful, and direct. You don’t owe anyone a lengthy explanation for your decision. A simple “I won’t be able to commit to this” or “I’m focusing on other priorities at the moment” suffices.
Delay Your Response: Instead of saying yes on the spot, buy yourself some time by saying, “Let me think about it and I’ll get back to you.” This gives you the space to consider whether you really want to say yes or how to say no gracefully.
Seek Support: Sometimes, we need a little encouragement to stick to our guns. Discuss your goals and boundaries with a trusted friend or mentor who can reinforce your resolve to say no when necessary.

Saying no is not just about refusing things you don’t want to do; it’s about saying yes to what you truly value. It’s a reaffirmation of your priorities, allowing you to focus on projects, people, and passions that resonate with your “hell yeah” energy.

Progress Not Perfection

The aim here isn’t to chase perfection but to cultivate intention, much like meticulously trimming a bonsai tree. By leaning into what works for you you’ll naturally start stepping away from what doesn’t. Life happens, and things change. So if you haven’t thought about this in awhile, give yourself some time to do a quick assessment.

Enjoy!