Stephanie Harrison’s story starts with a mindset similar to many in their early 20s. Gainfully employed, ambitious, and with all of New York City at her feet, she was exactly where she wanted to be. On paper. Something felt missing, even though her longtime dream of living independently in the Big Apple had been achieved. She recalls being miserable without a clear idea of why. Eventually, ignoring the problem took its toll. Her body began to rebel with physical symptoms – rashes, sores, and panic attacks that left her feeling lost and desperate for answers. So she found them by reading up on the science of happiness.
Years of research and reflecatino later, Stephanie has found the hack. Thousands areound the world now seek to learn it through her philosophy-led company, The New Happy, which has been recognized by the likes of CNBC, Fast Company, Forbes, and Harvard Business Review. In this episode of the podcast, we have a candid conversation about what true fulfillment looks like and how to achieve it in a world that prioritizes productivity and external markers of success over inner peace.
Question What People Say About Happiness
The first, most direct way anyone can fix their perspective on happiness is to assume the mindset of a conspiracy theorist and question everything. Well, maybe not everything – just the societal beliefs about happiness that we all assume to be true. You’ve surely heard them before. ‘I can do everything by myself,’ ‘I need to achieve X, Y, and Z to be happy and successful,’ ‘I’m not good enough unless I have the perfect body, job, relationship, etc.’ Sound familiar?
It’s time to call BS on these limiting beliefs. They are holding you back from experiencing true, authentic happiness.
Stephanie tells me why, explaining “From the moment that we’re born, we start to receive these messages about who we should be, what we should do with our lives, and how we’re related to other people. I argue that these three questions are the core questions of a human being’s life… trying to figure out the answers.”
Then, she says, we mistakenly base our decisions on what the ‘right’ picture looks like, even if it’s completely incongruent with our true identity, desires, or interests. Any deviation from the preset path looks like failure. Meanwhile, arrival at that pre-ordained destination feels unfulfilling.
Say No to Old, Boring Ideas
To expand on the last point, happiness is not a destination you arrive at once you’ve checked all the boxes society tells you to. It’s not a prize waiting for you at the end of the path. Happiness is a state of being – a choice you make every day.
So beyond simply recognizing the fact that what you’ve been told is a lie, take action and pivot the way you live life. “You can reorient yourself and choose a destination that actually works” Stephanie says.
That might mean quitting a job that leaves you feeling empty inside, sarting a business around your passion, or traveling the world to gain new perspectives. If any of that sounds unrealistic, it’s because there are psychological barriers in the way. Actually choosing to be happy requires a bit of discomfort.
Don’t be afraid to take risks, make mistakes, and learn from them. Embrace the discomfort that comes with challenging yourself and breaking free from societal expectations. Happiness is not about avoiding discomfort or pain. It’s about learning to navigate through life’s challenges with grace, courage, and a positive mindset.
Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
This next pill from the Happiness Doctor is hard to swallow. It involves ditching a nasty habit that virtually everyone either knowingly or unknowingly engages in on a regular basis. And that’s comparing one’s self to others. It’s a rigged game, according to Stephanie, because the targets are always moving, and the lives of the people we’re ‘competing’ with are a mere perception.
Take social media for example. There’s no faster way to feel bad about yourself than to open up an app and scroll through an endless feed of curated, picture-perfect content – the only parts of their lives people want to share with the world.
We can achieve our self-prescribed goals but will always feel as if that isn’t enough when met with someone who’s doing even ‘better’. So why don’t we stop comparing ourselves to others altogether? Stephanie suggests focusing on your own journey and progress instead.
Use Your Powers for Good
Prominent philosophers, Buddist monks, and world-changing philanthropists alike prove that true fulfillment in life doesn’t have to come from self-focused actions. It’s quite the opposite, actually. When we focus our energy outward to make a positive difference in the lives of others, we feel more content and connected. Helping those in need, volunteering for meaningful causes, or simply being there for a friend during a difficult time has the power to infuse life with joy.
It can also uncover things we don’t yet know about ourselves. “You don’t even know the extent of your potential yet,” Stephanie says. “You’re always uncovering it. You’re always discovering those nooks and crannies and those parts of you and going into new caves that hold these treasures,”
Her advice? Don’t judge yourself by what you’ve discovered already. Hold the space to discover more and that there are wonderful gifts within you that have the power to make the world a better place.
Know That You Are Enough
There is nothing more important to happiness than mental health. And it starts with self-acceptance and self-love. Embrace who you are, flaws and all. Treat yourself with kindness and compassion. Prioritize your physical, mental, and emotional well-being.
In the case of creators specifically, Stephanie talks about the importance of doing what you do because you love it — not because acclaim defines personal value. Great art can be both the product of and a source of joy.
Stephanie Harrison’s message is simple yet profound: true happiness comes from within.
You can take a masterclass on how to hack it in her latest book, ‘New Happy‘.
Enjoy!
FOLLOW STEPHANIE HARRISON:
instagram | twitter | website
Listen to the Podcast
Subscribe
