How to Find Your Purpose Through Grief and Loss with Tunde Oyeneyin

Most of us move through life and find ourselves at points searching for something.. for the thing. That thing that makes our heart skip or beat a little faster, that makes us feel alive and awake. Some call it purpose, others call it destiny. In my conversation with Tunde, she called it the “hum”.

FIND THE “HUM”

You know that feeling… the one that you can’t get enough of, the feeling when time seems to disappear as you are completely consumed by the moment? It’s that place you go to escape all the other noise where you can finally hear yourself, feel yourself and get in tune with yourself. It’s the place where only YOU exist, doing what makes you feel most alive. When we talk about finding your purpose it can seem like a daunting mountain to climb and figure out if you’re not sure, but when you simply start to think about what you like and what you don’t like, what you truly enjoy doing, it is a much easier place to start in finding the “hum” in your life.

 

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A post shared by Tunde Oyeneyin (@tune2tunde)

Perhaps for some, it involves a lot of time alone to think and be and create. For others, it can come in a large group of people when the energy is soaring and the noise of excitement is almost deafening. Whatever the vibe is for you, when you find the thing, that feeling, that timeless space, it begins to open a whole world of doors for you. But most importantly, you start to find your power and your purpose, even if the road in front of you is filled with uncertainty.

UNCERTAINTY = INFINITE POSSIBILITY

Let’s be honest, the most comfortable place to be is when we are completely aware of our surroundings and know what is going to happen next. When life is normal and predictable we can relax and almost live on autopilot cruising through days and weeks… sometimes even months or years. But the danger that lies within life becoming too predictable and easy is what Lisa Bilyeu spoke about in a previous episode of my show: the purgatory of the mundane. When life becomes so routine that we settle into the mundaneness of daily tasks and chores we risk falling asleep to the greater thing that may be calling us, beckoning us to experience it. And we may miss opportunities we never knew we’d have.

There are many times in my life that I have gone from feeling certain and comfortable in the routines I had, to feeling an unsettledness almost like something was missing, which created uncertainty. Other times life has thrown a curve ball onto my path which has sprung a season of uncertainty upon me. Unexpected change, tragedy and loss can quickly take the ground out from under us and cause us to feel uncertain or even completely lost. When the world suddenly changes from what we knew it to be we can begin to question everything right down to our core. And that place of questioning can be a very uncomfortable place to be. Because we don’t have the answers… yet.

 

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A post shared by Tunde Oyeneyin (@tune2tunde)

Tunde spoke of the tragedy and losses in her own life that ultimately caused her to step into the greatest version of herself. She said that the difficulty and uncertainty she faced helped her to become open to possibilities that she may never have considered otherwise. And it was this openness to possibility that led Tunde’s life into directions and far greater things than she had ever imagined she’d do with her life. And much of it came as she learned to trust herself and trust that the universe was on her side.

THE UNIVERSE HAS YOUR BACK

One of the loudest voices we often experience in times of uncertainty is doubt. We wonder if we are making the right decision, moving in the right direction, and choosing the right path and we worry about all the what-ifs if we have chosen wrong. And when life is uncertain and the voice of doubt is taking over it can be very hard to trust. Not only can it be hard to trust ourselves and our gut feelings it can also be hard to trust the greater forces around us to be looking out for our good.

Learning to trust yourself and trust the universe beyond you is a skill that takes practice. One of the best ways to begin that journey is to start writing things down, as data is a great way to collect evidence. When things don’t go the way you had anticipated them to go, write it down. And as you keep writing things down you will begin to see that somehow, things seem to always work out in the end even if it looks different than what you imagined it to be.

 

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A post shared by Tunde Oyeneyin (@tune2tunde)

When we can let go of the expectations we have put on ourselves or taken on from others and open our minds and hearts to be ok with not having the answers yet, it becomes easier to take that next step into the unknown. When we follow that feeling and chase experiences that bring the “hum” the path before us begins to illuminate as we continue moving in the direction. It rarely makes sense when we look forward, but after traveling a little way things often become clear when we look back.

CONNECT THE DOTS BACKWARDS NOT FORWARDS

There are all kinds of instructions and recipes for success out there, and we can easily feel pressured to conform to a set formula in attempt to make sense of our path forward. The problem is that just as no two people are alike, no two paths we journey on are identical. So while hearing other people’s stories and experiences can be helpful and inspiring, trying to copy someone else’s success won’t bring about your own. Because someone else’s success is not yours. It’s theirs. And the only person who can connect the dots to your success is you.

If we are so focused on following the right steps and making the right changes to be successful we can get caught up looking forward that we miss the whole point of finding the “hum” in this moment. Sometimes stopping and taking a moment to just be and do the things we love is the very thing that opens the door to the next step of the journey. When we focus on the present moment rather than looking forward we can truly experience the feeling of the moment and the power that it brings.

 

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A post shared by Tunde Oyeneyin (@tune2tunde)

Then as we continue on the journey and look back, all of a sudden things start to make sense. The disappointment of not getting that job, or being forced to move to a new location, or the surprise that set your path in a different direction, the things that seemed like negatives on your path to success opened doors to new things you may not have otherwise even considered as options. If we just trust the process and focus on the present moment as we keep moving forward, eventually we will look back and see how all of the dots that once didn’t make any sense have now connected to lead us to where we are today. And today is always a celebration of the journey we’ve completed to get here.